Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated
There aren’t any decent single males left living in New York City. In fact, that’s what everyone is constantly telling us. And when Deanna* moved to the city towards the end of 2021 She was the next to see if there was any truth to this assertion. Newly single after their boyfriend for 3 years separated from her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At this point, that a private Facebook group known as Are You Dating The Same Guy NYC was launched as a recommended follow. The group was characterized by a lengthy prescreen survey as well as guidelines for community members that served as a barrier to entry and was 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested and so she joined.
The community
The group – which began with the specific goal of helping women confirm whether they were being contacted by others-was established in the month of March 2022. In fact, nearly every big US city has a similar community now and the rules for everyone are clear: Anyone can make posts anonymously, there’s no doxxing or sharing sensitive information nor can screenshots be taken away from the group. No bullying, no victim blaming and no hate speech. Never tell a man he’s been included in the group.Join Us datingfortodaysman.com website Following the scandal on the heels of West Elm Caleb, an individual with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections online, it seemed like a lot of women were searching for a method to search out people like him. A TikTok user commented about the situation This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is essentially the way this group was by the time Deanna joined. Each version of Are We Dating the Same Guy can be used as a place for women who seek romantic advice or want to provide advice on men whom they’ve had unpleasant dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, an act of sending other women to lure them through social media sites has also become very common. It’s not difficult for a person to fall into a into a puddle of screenshots Hinge profiles, stories about hookups that have gone wrong, and a plethora of memes describing the pitfalls of modern-day dating. Some of the most popular posts feature pictures of men with their first name, and asking who has matched or had a relationship with the person in question. Emojis with red flags are a common image on infrequent but alarming posts warning the group of an ex-partner or bad night and are often accompanied by a downward arrow and the depressing warning words See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our chances in recent times and a recent study finding that almost 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their loved ones online. It’s therefore natural that the romantic side of romance should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead of chatting with group of friends over a drink, or discussing the issues with colleagues, we are seeking the counsel of 433,000 women who have had similar, and sometimes almost identical experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie A group member. Not to say that there aren’t some advantages that exist however it was beneficial for me to reconsider my perspective on dating. There’s no competition with other women, but it is holding males to a higher quality than I did before.
It’s not lost on me that certain behavior that’s facilitated and promoted in Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be alarming if it was displayed by potential partners. Photos, photos of private conversations, and screenshots posted without consent or knowledge are numerous. People dig up social media profiles almost on a daily basis. It’s not hard to have a relationship put on the hot seat. While Deanna enjoys being part group, she has some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I believe you’ll get into a situation where it’s a echo chamber where men have had us pushed around for so long, now we’re going to pay it back.
We are still a patriarchal society
Our society is still an era of patriarchy, and until we’re truly equal in our online interactions, they will generate different reactions based on the backgrounds of each individual. Even so, can a group like this be an active source of empowerment on one side of the spectrum and an abominable and inhumane on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy is hyperlocal and social, only beneficial for people who live and are dating in the area the group is based in. The women and guys they discuss might be your neighbor you work with, a friend, family member, or your most recently Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization which comes with using the internet, which makes it seem like an online game. It’s not a stretch to say that this is a form of objectification for the participants in both groups. Particularly when the details of private conversations, personal interactions and even photographs are being shared with no knowing or consent, usually just for the sake of entertainment.